I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
