last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Mom said you looked used
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
