A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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