I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
