i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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