The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
