Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
