Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
ttyl tear gas
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
