Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You smell like stripper and shame
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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