Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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