why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
