so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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