I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
