Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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