I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
