thus making me awesome and them whores
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
