Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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