Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
