fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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