I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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