also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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