I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
