my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
