maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
