What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
