I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
