FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
