Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
