i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
