i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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