took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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