the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
