take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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