I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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