woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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