My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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