You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
