____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
