I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You are the jesus of drinking
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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