I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
