All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
