You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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