Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I woke up under a house in Key West
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