could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
