is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
