I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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