I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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