i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
