i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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