It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
