I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
